As an adult, Susan tries to avoid her mother's rages, complaints about others, and contagious sour moods. But Susan feels compelled to call her mother Judith back when she leaves a message on the answering machine. If she doesn't, eventually Judith will reach her and demand to know, "Where were you?" Judith has been living alone since Susan's dad finally left, and Susan likes to think of herself as a "good person." For her, this means that she has a tendency to put the needs of others above her own— something Judith is counting on. This is obligation.
In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. This is understandable, but too much of a focus on our own desire to be understood above all else can backfire. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.
These cognitive distortions sometimes make it difficult to see other points of view. Are any of them familiar?